


Anything

by sherllycolmpels



Series: Letters to John [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Episode: s01e02 The Blind Banker, Heartbreak, Heartbroken Sherlock, Letter, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post-Episode: s01e02 The Blind Banker, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 00:58:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10753392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherllycolmpels/pseuds/sherllycolmpels
Summary: Sherlock dared to think John might want to date him as well. Then, John decided to date Sarah Sawyer. Sherlock has never been heartbroken before. But nothing could prepare him to how he'd feel when John's life was in danger.





	Anything

Dear John,

I thought I faced one of my greatest fears this week – I asked you for a date and got rejected. It broke my heart, knowing you prefer to go out with someone else. Never thought I had one, a heart. It hurts more than anything I’ve ever experienced, or at least that’s what I thought – Nothing prepared me to everything that happened afterwards.

But first things first - Sarah seems normal, nice, warm – Nothing like me. How could I thought I had a chance with you in the first place? How could I hold my hopes up? I’m so stupid.

John Watson, living with you was the best thing I’ve ever experienced – I can’t get you out of my head, never want to let you leave my head. I just want to sit in our home and talk with you all day and all night long, then go and show you London, all it’s hidden sidewalks and roads while we’re holding hands like teenagers at those silly romantic comedies you’d probably take Sarah to. I want to run with you all around the city, the blood pumping in our veins, and make sure your heart is pumping hard and fast in your chest and your stomach is full of butterflies, and not only from the adrenaline. I want to make sure you feel as alive as you felt back as the war, because how else could I keep you by my side, John? What else can I do? It already seems you look for other people, I can’t let you get sick of me so soon, I’m not ready to give up on you yet, when I’ve only got to meet you.

I was so jealous, John, that it clouded my mind, and made me impulsive. I couldn’t feel guilty for crushing your date with her, I never will be. I want you so much, and not only near me John Watson. I want you all over me, in me… I want every part of you, but most of all – I want you to want me, even half as much as I want you. I’ll take anything you’d give me, John. Anything.

Everything felt wrong when she stayed, John – It was supposed to be you and me, just the two of us against the rest of the world. I guess I’d see much more of her in the upcoming weeks. I can’t promise you I won’t try to sabotage this thing with her. I want you so much that I just can’t know you’re with her when I’m alone downstairs. I can’t run away from my sorrow and pain when I’m alone downstairs, knowing you too prefer others over me. Not that I can blame you. I could never blame you for that.

I wanted to impress you that night, I thought it would made you prefer me over her. Silly me. How could I leave you there alone, John Watson? Why did I do that mistake? Coming back into our home and being welcomed by that awful graffiti, and you nowhere to be found. I’ve never been more scared in my entire life. I tried to detach myself as quickly as I could, to avoid the tsunami of feeling that flooded my mind palace every time I think about you, because my biggest priority was to find you before they could do anything for you. I know you were a solider, but I weren’t sure what they could do to you darling. Then I found you alive. I’ve never been more relieved, John. If my body wasn’t quivering from the adrenaline, I was sobbing just from seeing that. You. Alive. How could I be so selfish, wishing for anything other than that? I would let you date any girl in the world if it means you’re safe, John. I would let you break me, stamp on my hurt and tear me up to pieces if it means you’ll be whole. I’d do anything for you, John Watson. Anything. I love you.

-Sherlock

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't think this letter would turn out this way, to be honest. I'm a little self conscious about it, so I'd really like to hear all your thoughts about it! Please let me know what you thought about it by leaving kudos/comments! xx
> 
> BTW, I don't plan to leave this series just yet - If there're any moments in the show you'd like to read about in this format, please let me know by writing in the comments/messaging me on my Tumblr (I'm thepersonalblogofsh, you're more than welcome to say hi). I'd be more than happy to write it xx


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